Relapses

The walls are looking at me
But I don't want to look back at them
The silence of this house
I wish I could put it in my head

And I try to make it stop but I can't
And I try to get better but it's just too hard

You're probably there
Singing love songs to someone else
And I'll be hearing them in my head
All the time

And you're probably there
Smiling to yourself when you think of him
And all I do is cry

Your presence is constant
You're there but you're here
And I don't know which is worse

A rush of blood goes through me
And like a lady in her fifties
I get hot flashes when you two cross my mind
Am I going through menopause?
Did you put me on menopause?

I can't watch TV
The love stories make me sad
I can't listen to music
And even the those stupid pop songs
Make me think of you
Now the silence haunts me
What am I to do?
What am I to do?

Maybe someday I'll be grand enough
To look at you, me, and the one right next to you
But for an emotional brimful mind
This is way more than I can handle
I'm sorry. I'm not strong like you
I really wanted to be